Thursday, November 10, 2016

The Elf, The Reindeer, North & South

November 2016

"Do you know," began the elf, his significant ears evident. "What it is like to be loved?"

"Oh yes, I do indeed," cried the reindeer. "I have been well-loved... an age ago."

"Oh, but you haven't," exclaimed the elf leaning in closer, blue eyes alight. "Not unless you've been loved by the North-South. Anyone loved by the North-South is destroyed forever."

"The North-South..." pondered the reindeer. "What is that like?"

"I have been loved," said the little elf. "I am. I will be. Unto eternity."

"It is like mist," he said. "It gets into your eyes, your nose, your pores, your lungs and leaves you blind, panicked, not knowing where you are going and when the fall shall come."

"And it is like cloud. Light, wispy, delightful and makes you believe you are soaring high, where no sorrow of the world can touch you."

"It completes and undoes. The maddening passion, reckless desire, all stops blown out, your old wounds reopened and nursed back to nothingness. New wounds, more painful than the dull ache of the old scars, weight in my heart while my body and mind soar with abandon."

"She will seduce, amuse, rouse unknown intensities of emotion, she will toss you, flip you, discard you without mercy. She will shower you with the love of a thousand good women - of mothers and lovers and wives and daughters. And she will imbibe you somehow - you will merge into her and you will surge with her and you will fall with her. She will scream, cry, accuse you of betrayal, of deserting her, of not having loved enough, of not having loved at all. She will breeze into your world and take it over as you watch, rapt, unblinking, mesmerised by this creature with the laughter of a lifetime, the love of eternity, the curse of extremity."

"Did you fall under her spell?" asked the reindeer in wonder.

"Fall?" laughed the elf as he scratched the mole behind his ear. "I was consumed. I ceased to exist. I gave myself to her riptide, tossed about willingly, almost joyously, as a broken catamaran."

"But?" asked the reindeer, suddenly fearful.

"When North-South loves..." began the elf slowly. "There always comes a time when the storm passes. And in a snap of the fingers, she will leave. Without looking back. Perhaps, even without saying goodbye."

"Are you not afraid?" cried the reindeer, panic stricken now for his friend, the blue-eyed elf with the mole behind his ear and the roots turned silver.

"But I do not exist anymore!" said the elf, smiling softly as the memory of a kiss overtook him.

And he hummed and he skipped and he surfed the cloud, awaiting, almost fearlessly, the next fall. 

Childhood Nightmare

October 2016

Is loving a sin?
Can desire be bitter?
Can we learn
To lie like truth?

I lay like truth today
That familiar bitterness
Seeping from my pores
Sinner, liar, layer.

And it dripped
And dripped
And dripped
Slow, rhythmic

Now a faster cadence
And I, fearful, boxed in
Lonely, unheard
The drip-drip overwhelmed

Drowned me
As I fought futile
And suddenly, blink!
Silence again

Far in the distance
Of memory
Woke a child. 

Nothing Is Lost Forever

October 2016

When humans found language
They lost something.
For some experiences
There can be no words.

I saw a butterfly today
Dead and disintegrating
Food for ants
From death was given life.

I read somewhere yesterday
"Nothing is lost forever"
Truer words were not written.

Gazing upon the almost
Non-existent brow
Putting my lips to them
I experience a surge of something.

Affection? Love? Not quite.
I'll call it ITA.
I don't know what it means

When I press my lips
To the cheek, close to the eyes
The soft chubby part
I know I want that forever

When I feel a gaze upon me
I know it is mine alone
Every second we morph
And change.

One second we're performing
One character
Another second,
Quite another.

Are we one thing or many?
Is ITA the same or varied?
Does my ITA experience
Emerge similarly in another?
One will never know.

I want to polish my soul
Cobwebs have built around it
My spiders are hard at work.

I want to give up ego
I want to give up identity
I want to give up position

I want to win.

And I want the dusty rail
Carriages of my country
To crow about how

A man came once
On a pony, on a boat, on a truck
And laughed so hard
Delighted with himself.

Blue eyes shining
And looked up at the sky
Opened his arms
And let go - of ego, identity, position

And won... at long last.

In the pouring rain
On red earth
We will melt and dissolve
Merge into one.

Someday... maybe.
"Nothing is lost forever."

Irrational Fears

​June 2016

Night rushes in 
Fog falls over my mind
Heavy, unwieldy
I search for you.

Breath catches
Frantic now
Irrational, afraid,
That you are gone.

When I know
You will stay
You will love
You will be.

And I know too
You care
More than
Anyone can.

I also know
Spring is round the corner
Winters never last
Your sunshine envelops.

But fickle, the mind
Afraid to lose
Fearful of no
Terrified of dislike.

And I know too
If indifference arrives
It will affect just one
Never the twain.

Dread and love
Are rancid
No peace can exist
But in your arms.

I love you.  


April 09, 2016

I wish
To grow
Moss upon
Your mind

Encroach you
Will you
To my thoughts

Give you
A new pair
Of eyes

Beauty resides


Not of the body
Of centuries
Of time

Of wasted youth
Of wasteful lives
Of redemption
Of its relief

Passion indeed
Of souls kindred
Of the other half
Not better

Merely identical
The body

Let my moss
On your mind
Let me be

Your filter
That turns
Yellow light
Into gold

Let me be
Your aching feet
Let me be
The thought

That warms
Let me be
The second skin
Of endless lustre

Of hyperbole
Of beginnings
Of rapture
Of song

Lie on me
Let me grow
Over you
Joined forever

Under the wet earth. 

Saturday, March 26, 2016


March 2016

What kin am I 
You asked
Who are you

Intensely familiar

Aggrandised maybe
Larger than life
Larger than you
Larger than me

We hold on
In desperation
Pleading even

A minute longer
Let me be
Let me love
Lost in you

For when you leave
Shadows fall
When you go
I do too

Wide eyed
Lips puckered
I wish you

Wish you whole
Wish you happy
Wish you in the flesh
Will you with memory

You will cease

And I will cease
With you. 

Pause in a headlong rush

February 2016

A blur
To the

Into grey

Rushing headlong
Fast forward
To the end

And then
A pause.

I forgot to exhale
Sentences became longer
Cadence slowed
Ploughed in, snowed under.

One second passes
Only once he blinks
Mellowed, floored,
I live a waltz.

Now mesmerised
Then fearful
I will, alone,
For languor.

Let me rest
I beg, fervent,
Let me savour
Let us be.

The habitual frenzy
Makes merry
Skips ahead.

And I wrinkle
Fade faster
Burn brighter
As the last embers

Of a dying sun
That wishes instead
To live. To love.

Brown and Blue

January 2016 

You turn
Your smile
Shards of my eyes

Wave in the wind
Mocking, inviting
A leaf settles.

Brown... blink
Blue captures

Breeze lilts

You touch
I die

Are never enough
For eternity
Let me bury

In your warmth
In your shade
In your tempest

And I too
Surround you

Madness unparalleled
You & me
Me & you

The pin drops.

The Beginning of Grey-Blue

November 2015

In my grey
Your blue

Picks up

Opens my eyes 
New worlds

Is nonchalant
You devour
You flay

You challenge
You melt
In your love
I'm nought

But putty
Smooth hands
Own me
Decisive, possessive

My river roars

I, a rag
A river in me
To be washed in your wake.