One Year After Grandma's Passing

You sing and you laugh and you dance in my dreams

In my dreams, you are free… unfettered

I wonder if you really are

But if you exist in another form, then the world is indeed blessed

Thoughts of you overwhelm me suddenly

You live on in all of us, in me especially

And as I come and go in my daily rigmarole of a routine,

You are present in bits and pieces, in my thoughts, actions and reactions

I remember so clearly your smile,

Your lit up green eyes

Your laughter and your repartees

And I wonder if time will erase those now-instant, vivid memories

I hope time will not do its damage

Because I want to carry you in me all my life

I want you to live and breathe and go wild through me

I want you to be close and I want to keep you safe

I see your heart break in my mother’s sadness

I hear your sudden laughter in my ridiculous moments

I hear your voice whisper to me in my dreams

And as I have always done since when I was a child, I turn to you for succour and strength

Life has moved on without you

But that reflects little on your relevance to that life

We’re now forced to grow up on our own

Without a navigator to point out pitfalls along the way

My burden gets heavier every day

Only at night, when I feel you near me does the load lighten

I do not know what the future holds

But I do know that you will always and forever be a part of it within and with me