Saturday, July 27, 2013

For My Grandmother

Where are you my little lady
Wrinkled as an over-ripe mango
With your toothless grin
And your eyes afire with life?

Where have you gone sweet lady
With shoulders that bore our collective burden
Unceasingly, tirelessly, smilingly
And with faith in our effervescent goodness?

Were you exhausted mighty lady
After a lifetime of battle?
Did you hear all of us beautiful one
Pray for your release?

Did you go unwillingly loved one
Or were you glad to be free?
My mother, my best friend, the only one
Who never judged, who never threw rocks.

I did not dare look into those green lanterns
To find the lights snuffed out.
In an instant, in the blink of an eye
You have become, simply, a memory.

How do I bear this heavy heart
My dearest,
Where do I go, who do I turn to
When you are gone?

How do I say all those unsaid words
And fulfill those small dreams
When you have turned to ashes
And gone back to the sea?

Warrior lady, I never had to fight for your love
There was always some more in you to give
And the selfish, cruel youth in me
Never thought to give that undying love back to the fount.

I never went hungry when you were around
Or lacked for a fulfilling warmth
My savior, my confidante, my strength,
My healer, my teacher, my role model.

Life has slowed now, already it seems empty
Uncertainty and insecurity have crept in upon me.
My search would pause when I lay my head down in your lap
Not anymore… that bosom is gone and my endless search ticks on.

How do I cope with this loss when you always helped me cope?
Who do I ask for advice on how to live without you?
How do I manouevre through life without your guidance?
How can I rest anymore?

I don’t know what you are now or where you are
But I pray that you are happy and free and unburdened
I pray that you soar to the peaks of the Himalayas
I pray that you can walk and run and fly and laugh and feel no pain.

I hope that you come into my life again in some form
It is very difficult to go on without you
Guide me in some form, send me some signs
I will never forget the lessons you have taught me
And I will never ever be the same again.

1 comment:

  1. "Wrinkled as an over ripe mango". Beautiful. Beautiful.